An Open Letter to McDonalds

Below is a complaint I submitted to McDonalds. Please share any of your experiences.


I recently moved to Slovakia from Canada. I am an extremely avid coffee drinker. I was primarily a Starbucks patron, or Tim Hortons' if circumstances necessitated.

In Slovakia though, McDonalds is the only place to get reliable, fast, and quite frankly delicious coffee (seriously, I was impressed with the quality of your brew). I go every day, multiple times a day (as I mentioned, I'm an AVID consumer).

Usually I drink my coffee black. To be honest, it makes me feel more hardcore than most people, and it's quite tasty (rotting stomach and stained teeth not withstanding). Sometimes I use creamers though, just to mix things up. And man, do your creamers scream "sub-par". Struggling to open that creamer is probably the worst part of my morning, now that I think of it.

I'm not sure if the tab you are meant to pull open was designed as a cruel trick by your supplier, or whether it's years of karmic injustice being consistently unleashed on me in a twisted ploy to even my score with the universe at large, one day at a time. Either way, 19 times out of 20 the excessive vacuum seal of the creamer causes small spurts of the white thick liquid to ejaculate all over my clothes, keyboard and desk when I peal back the aforementioned tab. On the worst of days, the body of the creamer itself breaks in half and spills the entirety of its contents all over my lap.

Please, please, please, do something about this. Even if it just means buying the Tesco brand and using those.

Regards,

Jeffrey

Happy Hallmark Day

Happy V-Day friends.

Earlier I Skyped with my family. My mom made a remark that got me thinking. She asked if people celebrated Valentine's day over in this part of the world. I hadn't seen much in the days leading up, but I had assumed people did.

I can't be sure though. Asking a Slovak would be the easy answer, but taking hints and cues from my surroundings is another option. And speculation is fun, so let's do it.

I spent most of my day doing completely non-valentine related things; primarily chores and other things required to ensure I have an awesome week. I took a walk this afternoon for a little reprieve, to explore and observe. I was somewhat shocked to see nothing in the way of hearts adorning local stores, not an Eros in sight.

My mom was right. Without Hallmark driving mindless consumerism, the optical assault induced by the ubiquity of Valentine's Day related paraphernalia is negligible. Maybe that's a good thing?

Either way, have a great day!

Own Your Time

Another productive Saturday. Amazing. Although this time, it's more out of necessity, than anything else. Work is a little (read: hella) hectic right now; so I'm in the office. But at least I'm able to go at my own pace, blogging all the while.

Since this self-employment gig began, my attitude towards work has changed. I'm doing this for me. Sure, I'm trying incredibly hard to serve other people something of value, but I'm only trying so hard to please others because I'm convinced it will translate into more Euros for me. I'm a selfish bastard, at the end of the day. But at least I'm honest about it, unlike you passive-aggressive, conniving, manipulative cretins out there.

Oh how I love the word cretin.

I digress.

At my previous job, I sometimes questioned why I had put myself in such a situation. I mean, it was tedious work, constantly turning tricks for the man. No matter what my monthly salary, hourly wage, or commission structure, I was still enslaved to the 9:00-5:30 routine. If I was hungry at an hour that wasn't lunch time, I was obliged to sneak away from my desk and clandestinely acquire a snack. Or sit unproductively and listen to my stomach growl as I waited out the clock. To overcome the idea that I was making my bosses rich for a measly commission, I scoured my situation for an iota of positive-spin. Even though I was committed to someone else's cause, I found a way to convince myself it was in my own best interest to hustle harder. It has something to do with that 10,000 hour thing.

And now, working for myself, I've realized I can continue to distill value on different levels. While it's mostly about stacking mad scrilla, it can also be about more than that. I know it sounds crazy, but allow me to explain.

A gigantic part of my role at this organization, and at the previous place that was lucky enough to harbor me, is B2B inside sales. That's a fancy way of saying I call people on the phone and sell them my ideas, all neatly packaged into day long events broadcast over the internet. If they think they might like my ides, they purchase the right to listen.

Obviously, I hear the word "no" a lot. Not everyone is THAT enthralled with my INGENIOUS thoughts, believe it or not. "Quel surprise!" The French reader might proclaim, in the most sarcastic of tones. The repetition of that same monosyllabic response can be tiring. Even with the prospect of financial freedom at the end of every conversation it can be tough to self-motivate. Paradoxically, self-motivation is exactly what you need heaps of, if you want to be a boss in this industry.

So I looked for other ways to derive value. Ways that were not to tied to the direct outcome of the call I was making. And now, 9 months or so later, if you give me the name and phone number of just about anyone in the english-speaking world I will have no problem calling them up and pitching them whatever idea or product you might have. I'm getting pretty good at it too. Of course I still have a long way to go, much to learn and more practice ahead of me (and countless rejections), but it's all just a step on developing the extremely transferable, and valuable, skill of being able to close anyone, anywhere, anytime.

So that's my strategy for getting the most out of work. What's yours?

What I'm hearing.

Acclimatization

This is similar to my last blog post. I would ask you to please forgive the redundancy, but it's my blog, so I'll do what I want.

My uncle is coming to visit me in a few weeks. I'm excited. My family has repeatedly asked me if I need anything from North America. Other than the latest GQ, I haven't been able to think of anything. I don't really need stuff, but I also am becoming more and more capable.

For example, just the other day I finally managed to find sweetener BEZ CUKOR (without sugar), VHODNE PRE DIABETIKOV (suitable for diabetics).

I've finally got my oatmeal just the way I like. It's empowering.

If you don't know why oatmeal is such a big deal, you haven't been reading long enough. Here's some perspective.

Progress

I called someone today, as I do most days. You might call it a cold call, in that I'd never spoken to this particular executive before. I do a lot of this.

About 15 seconds into my pitch, he stops me. He says "Hey hey hey, Jeff, you call me up like you're my best friend but I don't even think we've met before."

My first days in this line of work, I used to secretly wish that people wouldn't pick up when I called. When they did, I would stutter like crazy.

So I guess I've made progress?

Like those calls, this particular one didn't yield any direct results.

Baby steps.

[A]Typical Sunday

I've been going to the bar less, as of late. I think it's good for my liver, not to mention numerous other aspects of my life. I've predominantly limited my social galavanting to one day a week. Just enough to break the cycle. I can sacrifice one night and the subsequent day to binge drinking, if it means a break from the regular tension of life on the daily. I'm ensuring my own mental stability, really.

The thing is, I have quite started to enjoy these weekend days that result from not being excessively liquored-up the night before. For example, I awoke today at 8:00 am, with a clear mind and a day that stretched out in front of me for what felt like forever. It's 3:48 pm, by the standards of most mortals I have already conquered the world, despite moving at a relaxed pace and drinking copious amounts and varieties of tea. I feel productive and my hope is that the productivity will continue, like that annoying Lamb Chops song that never ended. My hope is quickly reinforced with productive action, so I'm justifiably confident in my hopeful prediction. Action is key, after all.

One of the many things I got up to this morning was hitting up the grocery store. It's important that I make it before noon, to avoid the after-church-crowd and the chicken famine that ensues after their ransacking of the local Billa . And don't get me started on submitting to the low-quality pork, the only other real meat option available, for my weekly culinary fodder. My grocery bill is fairly consistent from one week to the next, another sign that my lifestyle here is getting more comfortable, or stagnant, if you want to look at the other side of the coin. My real point though is this: There are no cars out on the street. This isn't limited to one rogue trip to the local supermarket. As I mentioned, the limitations on my binge behaviour have been more encompassing and longitudinal. It's something I've been observing and pondering quietly over the last few weeks. The city is a ghost town on the weekends.

When I was in Canada, people were always doing errands on the two days that start with "S". Whether it was running (obviously not actually running - driving fast) to the mall to consume things, take their kids to hockey practice or one of one hundred other things, people were doing stuff. And using their cars to get from A to B. Throughout the Slovak summer, there were also always people about. But now that I think about it, most were just walking around and enjoying the nice weather. Wintertime must keep these supermodels cooped up, leaving the streets barren, much to my chagrin.

I wonder if kids don't have as many extra curricular obligations in this part of the world? Are soccer moms here less intense? I could see this lack of activities keeping parents from scurrying from arena to ballet school, or what have you. Maybe after church, families spend time together. Maybe they go to grandma's house for the afternoon to drink tea and keep from frolicking in the city streets. Maybe nobody has the cashflow to mindlessly consume at local shops. I'll keep thinking about why this might be but wanted to give you a quick heads-up to something that is awry.

Music for your Sunday morning.

I'm going to sleep through my first Super Bowl tonight. I hope the Colts dominate and the game is complete shit. Ok, I'm just jealous - enjoy the show EST friends.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Visits to Dreamland

I've always hated sleep. For as long as I can remember, I've sucked at it. I'm poor at sleeping in and I'm worse at going to bed on time. I'm easily distracted and entertained, so lying down and closing my eyes isn't perceived as all that valuable.

On the theme of alignment though, I've decided to give this sleep notion a little more attention. Sure, I can wake up at 5:00 an and drink 8 cups of coffee before noon; in fact, I regularly do just that. I feel like I'm quite productive in my current routine. But I would be remiss not to examine other ways of doing things. Is it worth keeping some type of sleep journal, recording mood and sleeping patterns? How do I accurately determine the optimal amount of rest I need?

Either way, at the probing of a friend I've done some reading into the ill-effects of sleeplessness. I think a good first step is to educate myself about the real consequences of chronic sleep deprivation. Knowing what I have to lose will allow me to accurately prioritize my visits to dreamland.

UPDATE: How well do YOU sleep?